_________

It's a been awhile.

I wanted to let go of something that I've been holding for quite sometimes;

 It's pretty hard.

Marveling about something that doesnt last long for me to keep, I do realised that it is not something that I need. All this time I've been acting so immature that myself has never been so infuriated for being me. There are bunch of reasons for me to give up on this, but I choose to stay.

Desperate for a life changer.

And if you notice that, there's no odd today.
I hope the next is the last one;
 I don't want these to happen again,
I'm begging.

________

What makes me feel like I don't appreciate myself, my own life.

There's still this kind of feelings going through inside my head. I'm not sure what makes me the way I am right now. What's on my face is no longer real. What did I say is no longer true. What did I do is no longer right. I'm sorry to say this but I'm no longer the way I'm supposed to be. What's around me changes the way I do, the way I think, and the way I behave. 

Can't you even realise, this is all your fault. If you the one can who control your own lust I won't be existing. Stop complaining if you the one who made me here. You'd kill me earlier. I would never know that my existence has never been so full of hatred. Just please, I don't ask to be here. You should know that you couldn't even carry a fucking life through a happiness, instead you dragged him into the abyss. Either me, or you. I don't ask for it. 

I don't fucking ask for it

_______

" There’s a brief moment when you first wake up where you have no memories, a blissful blank slate, a happy emptiness, but it doesn’t last long and you remember exactly where you are and what you are trying to forget. "

Am I overthinking, or I'm just being too stupid to hope so much.

After all what I've done, am I even deserve to being paid like this.

Thanks.

Im likely to understand more what is the meaning of life.

You had made everything looks so fine. Yet so hurt.

It will never be the same.

______

Myself can't move forwards.

How to overcome anxiety? How to be acceptable by people arounds you? How to cope with yourself for better future? How to stop making yourself feel bad? How to ensure that everything you do is right? How to be responsible? How to make sure that people arounds you think that you're confident? How to stop forgiving? How to be alone? 

How to..

Have mercy on me.

I just want to have my own direction.

Please, I really need you to guide.

Ignorance

6th

_____

Man, I'm so scared

I don't even know whether the things that I've done is right or wrong. What's happening to me? What's wrong with me? Why I cannot learn from the mistakes that I made. Why do I even let myself hurt for once again?

The eyes that look for happiness? I liked to see people around me with smiles on their faces. But I still cannot find the happiness for my ownself. From every step that I made, I dont even know why I'm still looking behind. I can't move on

I'm weak.